April 22, 2014

Ode to Tottenham Hotspur’s 2013/14 Season

The summer didn’t go quite to plan,
Or certainly not to the boss’,
We took the wonga – lost a key man,
Daniel Levy protected his losses.

Goodbye and thankyouverymuch, Elvis Presley,
“Ahoy there!” to The Beatles,
Alas David Villa – wanted by AVB –
Couldn’t agree on the finer details.

Another Spaniard arrived instead,
And a prospect from Argentina,
Plus crop of players who, it was said,
Would make our midfield meaner.

The football began in earnest,
On the pre-season trip to the East,
Sunderland were a stern test,
Cabral (who?!) looked like a beast.

Palace first up in the Prem,
A solid 1-0 kept us sweet,
Bobby off the mark with a pen,
And Paulinho seemed to find his feet.

Onwards we marched – Swansea, Norwich,
And in Europe we were winning as well,
We ignored the little Arsenal glitch,
‘Cos the new boys needed to gel.

When West Ham caught us asleep,
We worried there was something awry,
But Townsend was earning his keep,
And we beat Hull in a cup tie.

Then Newcastle came to the Lane,
Escaped with a cheeky one-nil,
Their goalkeeper – Krul – was to blame,
But AVB took the flack still.

It seemed to go downhill from there,
Manchester City made sure of that,
Poor Andre and his lovely facial hair,
Seemed to be struggling to adapt.

He won some, he drew some, he lost some,
Until the Liverpool game,
Where we were outfought, out-thought, “outdesired”,
And the dreaded axe prematurely came.

The new man – Tim Sherwood – was promoted,
From the Academy set-up, from within,
And before too long fans were cawing:
“InterTim”, “Dim Tim”, “4-4-Tim”, anyone but him…

“Back to basics”, he shouted – and it was,
4-4-2, two wingers, goals,
But defensive midfielders were doubted,
And our midfield clearly had holes.

Adebayor came back in from the cold,
And Eriksen came to the fore,
But when we came up against Norwich,
We seemed even worse than before!

More thrashings against big clubs did follow,
First Chelsea and then Liverpool,
Whilst the European campaign ended in sorrow,
With a draw over in Portugal.

So here we are out of the top four,
With just a few matches to go,
Some players seem disenfranchised,
Vertonghen, Capoue and Sandro.

The big summer signing, Lamela,
Is still injured and nowhere to be seen,
Maybe it’s the English weather,
Or maybe he wants a new team.

As for Soldado – he from sunny Spain,
He’s been goal-shy and short on mojo,
Now he finds himself behind Harry Kane,
As Tim tries to give youth a go.

It’s not been the greatest of seasons,
For the players, managers, and fans alike,
But there are a couple of reasons,
Why the star men shouldn’t get on their bikes.

The squad is strong, and will be stronger,
We’ve good players, good facilities, great fans,
So listen up Lloris and Vertonghen,
And Eriksen with your ‘secret plan’.

This is Tottenham Hotspur FC,
A club that 16… 15… 14 (?) Premier League clubs fear,
And just ‘cos you’ve not won a trophy,
As us fans say, there’s always next year.

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September 12, 2012

And Now for Something Completely Different

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo at half time,
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo at full time,
Two points from three games,
It’s that Chairman, Daniel Levy; he’s the one to blame.

He didn’t get his chequebook out,
He didn’t sign enough players,
And he didn’t sell Jermaine Jenas,
That’ll please the naysayers.

He should have held on to Harry,
We’d never had it so good,
Replaced him with some prodigy,
Just because he could.

The high line, inverted wingers, high tempo pressing,
Opponent scouting, dossiers, second guessing,
Sports science, performance analysts, youth integration,
New technologies, new methodologies, PowerPoint presentations.

All this modern stuff that other clubs do,
We don’t need all that – what are we trying to prove?
It’s a simple game, eleven against eleven, fahkin’ run about a bit,
Beat your man on the outside, whip in a cross, get a clean hit.

So you can stick your revolution,
I’m giving up Spurs – no more,
If it ain’t Champions League, I ain’t interested,
Everything else is a bore.

You know what, mate? I’m glad.
The Lane’s a far better place,
Without your sense of entitlement,
And without your ugly face.

Let’s have some positivity,
Let’s sing our hearts out in the pub,
Let’s make White Hart Lane a fortress again,
Let’s get behind our club.

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J’Neil Bennett has been called up to the England Under-18 squad. I believe that's his first call-up and it's very well deserved.
6 hours ago